Category | Op Ed

Step Up Your Game: Ten Ways KSU Guys Can Improve Their Powers of Attraction

Published on January 26, 2010 by Rebecca Duffield

I know it sounds clichéd, but I’m going to say it anyway. I love love. I love all degrees of love: infatuation, attraction, devotion, passion. I’ll take all of it. Because of this love of love that sometimes nauseates my cohorts, I thoroughly enjoy seeing people in good relationships and helping single people find love any way I can. Therefore, in honor of the upcoming Valentine’s Day hookup pressure festival, I’m going to give KSU men a leg up on how to attract women at school. I have a simple list of 10 easy commandments that should improve your game in no time.  Read carefully, guys. I’m exposing the other team’s playbook here.

I have a list of characteristics of men who attract me. The words “stinky,” “shaggy,” “wrinkled,” “androgynous,” “baggy” and “stained” are nowhere on that list.

Please take a shower. I have to sit in class with my nose a measly few feet from your armpits. I’m here to learn something, not have my delicate nostrils offended by your man-musk.

I’ll notice if you wear the same clothing item(s) every day. Unless you do laundry nightly, you should not recycle your wardrobe at such a neck-breaking rate. If you DON’T do laundry nightly….dude, that’s gross.

Please don’t pick at your toenails in class unless you’d like that recycled shirt to be painted the color of my vomit. Likewise for picking at your skin, your scalp, your chapped lips, or pickings of any kind. You’re not being covert. I see you and I am seriously disturbed.

I can also tell when you don’t brush your teeth. It necessary for me to see remnants of last night’s dinner camping out in your oral caverns.

Extraneous, crude language is unattractive. If your favorite wardrobe piece features filthy words or your mouth puts scurvy dogs to shame, I will assume you are too dumb to date me. Smart guys don’t need to rely on excessive swearing in order to communicate effectively.  Nothing says, “I’m a genius! Take me home to mama,” like the F-word dropping like pants on prom night, or nasty nicknames for body parts displayed proudly across your chest.

I love quality vintage clothing. However, just because it’s falling apart doesn’t mean it’s vintage, and just because it’s vintage doesn’t mean it’s cool.

Either grow a beard or shave it clean. Peach fuzz does not turn me on. In that same vein, grow your hair long or cut it off. This shaggy, only-kinda-long look is making you all look like Ally Sheedy from “The Breakfast Club.” I don’t think you want to remind me of a freaky 1980s high-school girl with panties in her purse and a penchant for lying.

You may be the hottest, most intelligent, wonderful guy in the world. Don’t distract me from that with unfriendly phrases or pictures on your clothing. If your tee says something like, “I see dumb people,” “No Fat Chicks,” or “Say hi to your mom for me,” I will assume you are mean. Mean is not hot.

I am a straight woman. Therefore, I am attracted to men. If you dress like, act like, style your hair like, or wear eyeliner and nail polish like a girl, you’re not my type. If I wanted a girl, I’d go get one.  (Guy-liner is only okay on stage.)

Let’s recap: Straight women are straight because they like men. If you want to date straight girls, you should at least try to be a man. Manliness should extend to your style, communication and your treatment of others. Now, some of you guys who have broken these rules may be saying, “I’ve done a ton of these things and I still get girls!”  Well, congratulations. However, remember this: The bait you use determines the fish you catch. If you only attract psycho, disgusting, slutty or sloppy girls, you may want to reevaluate your methods of attraction.

Think of it this way: Would you want your little sister dating a guy like you?

The point is, guys, nothing in this whole world is hotter than a clean, put-together, smiling gentleman. Putting a tiny bit of extra effort into your self-presentation can pay off in a big way. I know I’d notice the difference! Until then, happy hunting.